13:45 A Soccer Match Hangover

This is one of the few times in my life when I am glad not to be a rock star. First impressions of Team Rock v. Team Sport: it is so f'n hot, I hope there is a doctor on hand in case someone dies - including yours truly. The crowd gathers as "Eye of the Tiger" begins to play and stumbling down the hill come the athletes and alcoholics hand in hand. It looks like the 200 meter walk has winded half of Team Rock already. This could be the reason why there are twice as many Rockers than Sporters - massive substitutions. The teams lineup for the singing of the regional anthem of Karelia. Hovering above are flocks of seagulls, waiting like vultures for the first of their prey to keel over and become food.

The game gets underway and Team Rock starts out strong. They even look as if they have a few set plays. Could there possibly be a game plan lurking behind the scenes. Is that what was going on in the trailors last night? Their burst of energy culminates in a goal for Team Rock who look invincible. I get the feeling that Team Sport is taking it easy on the Rockers, they're a little timid, a little scared of offending their record collection. They even apologize for kicking the ball too hard at some of the Rockers.

As the first half progresses Team Sport's stamina is showing. Team Rock is getting a little tired. Is that water in their bottles or is it Kossu (Finnish Vodka). I think the score is 2-1 in favor of Team Rock, but to tell you the truth, I wasn't paying too much attention.  Half-time and that means fluids and stretching for one team, smokes for the other (I'll let you figure out which one is which).

The second half begins and Team Rock's strategy of massive substitutions is not paying off. At one point the entire team is on the bench, save Miksa, of Eläkeläiset, whose black paint is drooling down is face in sweat. And just when Team Rock is getting really winded, the Streaker comes roaring in from the crowd, screaming something or other about Provinssi Rock, another Finnish Rock festival, and gets tackled and taken away in a conspiculously scripted fashion.

The action is heating up with the score tied at 3, when Faded Black and White Beanie Painted on His Head Guy (guess which team) disrupts a penalty kick for team Sport and no one seems to care. Sitting behind Team Rock I can smell the booze sweating off of them, or is it their water bottles? No, it's the young girls next to me, sipping on a Fanta bottle that contains absolutely no Fanta whatsoever.

The deciding goal of the game, giving Team Sport the victory was scored by Team Rock, on their own goal. And just like that, the game is over, the crowd disperses and everyone resumes the Rock, the Roll and all the Rest.

H-Montana
Pics: Heli Suoninen

Back